a novel

Country World God/Deity Self Friends Family My professor put this list of items on the board in my International Relations class. Today we were looking at the concept of ethics in the global world. He asked us to put them in order of our priorities. I thought such a thing would be easy to do. I know what I believe and why I live the way I do, don't I? I floundered. I know were country goes: dead last. I carry two nations passports, but i'm extremely critical of both. And besides, I'm a citizen of a different kingdom entirely. So that was easy, but what about the rest? God should go first, right? But... i often fail at keeping God there, sometimes God slips down the list, is God really first in my life at the moment? If not what is? Friends trump family at this point in my life, and that sucks. Not that I don't love my friends, but I miss my family. And hard as it is to be honest, my friends might not stay in my life forever, my family will. And now we get to the tw...

my noise is stuffed and my head hurts a little. it is Sunday morning, and something inside of me did not want to go to church. I don't know where the lethargy comes from. The past few days i have dragged myself out of bed after 10 hours of sleep. And then dosed off later while reading textbooks. the weather is beautiful, but to enjoy it takes the energy of opening the door and stepping out. courage. oh courage, where have thoust hidden thyself? i simply want to curl up with someone, i really don't care who, and watch movie after movie so that the desire to make sense of myself and my life is mummified under pretense of pleasure. i want to disappear for a time, to step off the earth with someone who is dedicated to loving me first, but i have a hard time finding, or believing i deserve, that someone. i want to sleep until i have energy to sing and dance and shout. and read. and research. and write wonderful papers and articles. i think i'll take a walk.