a novel

I accidentally find myself employed. After a month filled with cover letters, resumes, and way too few interviews, a fit of stressing about having no work led to an afternoon hitting the pavement which led, after an hour, to a job. The change of reality is drastic. After six weeks of nothing to structure my life, I start tomorrow. And after four weeks of constant job search, I find myself strangely with nothing to do. That in itself is an image makeover. Add to that the concept that my job falls completely out of any category I would have imagined to be working in. Yesterday I inquired about, interviewed for, and was hired as a hostess and serving assistant at The Melting Pot. All in the span of about an hour. What confuses me most about this position, other than the fact that I needed to purchase a black cocktail dress for my shift tomorrow, is that none of my life experience has been preparing me for this line of work. It wasn't even on my radar and I'm struggling to rati...

When anticipating graduation of EMU a year and a half ago, I was tempted to believe that it was my responsibility and my calling to change the world in drastic, meaningful, obvious manners. And maybe it still is - but I cannot wait for these world changing manners and activities to add value and meaning to my life.  In a number of conversations I have had over the past week, I have been reminded that it is the small acts in life that create meaning. So far my day has consisted of two half an hour walks (one with each dog) a cup of tea and a cinnamon bagel, a bike ride to the DMV - including the relinquishing of my Manitoban id - , a skype date with a friend from EMU, left over Indian food and a chat with my sister while sitting on the porch, and three job applications.  This is my life. No grand life saving or life changing activities. No obvious purpose or long term world changing vision. But it is my life. And I need it to be meaningful.

I have spent the last month in Richmond, VA learning to start over once again. This is a different move for me, mostly because it is unstructured. There is no program here for me to plug into, no course objectives, no deadlines, and no responsibilities other than those I set for myself. The lack of structure and expectations is grating on me, as is the lack of definition to my life and my goals right now. I what to see my life as meaningful, purposeful, successful, etc but it is hard to do that with no external form of identity. And I am struggling to define the internal identity I want to in-body. Last week I re-read a paper I wrote during my junior year at EMU (almost 2 1/2 years ago if you believe that) about how I wanted to grow and develop over the next 10 years. While reading it was encouraging as I felt that I haven't steered to far from the goals and vision I had for myself, I was struck with a strong sense of nostalgia for the confidence and sense of self I found during ...