Grad School: 101
I had to urge to start this blog in the similar format to the lectures and syllabi I have been ingesting over the past two weeks. To provide you with a broad outline of my goals in communicating with you in this format and to briefly touch on the topics that I will cover in this edition.
IE: In this blog entry I will attempt to provide you with the basic understanding of the experience of one student as she adjusts to the expectations of graduate life at a large, research focused university. We will cover the following topics in some detail: receiving mixed messages in terms of productivity output vs. learning experience, academic integrity sermons that would make decent moralizing sermons for a southern baptist preacher with only slight modification, confusion over academic drinking culture, abstract and concrete integration of multiple new and previously held identities, developing the elevator speech research question in order to present oneself competitively, and the practices involved in homemaking.
As you can probably imagine, this template for communicating expectations has been the standard for every event I have attended, whether that be lecture, training, or the dreaded academic integrity and misconduct seminars. Even my readings are presented in this format. And to be honest, it is somewhat dry. Sure it does enable me (or you as a reader) to gather upfront what we should take away from a presentation, a class, or an article reading - but it is not engaging and does not invite interaction. And so I will not be writing this blog in clear, logical format that presents its objectives neatly at the beginning. I will revert to my previous style of adhoc, inspiration based writing that does at time mirror a stream of consciousness.
I admit, this is an attempt to nourish a different aspect of my identity as author, as thinker, as creator that is not bound by the structures of academic writing. And I am okay with that. If truth be told, I am immensely excited that I had the urge to write at all today - that my identity as writer wants to express itself and to integrate with all the other new and old identities I am exploring at the moment. In this environment, I have been so excited to be re-introduced to aspects of my identity that had laid dormant for a few years - and I look forward to developing them further. I am welcoming the researcher, the writer, the student, the engaged, the passionate, the radical within me that are beginning to re-awaken and stretch their muscles as I read and listen and discuss theory and methods with new people. I am also learning to see myself as a sister, as a wife, as a roommate, as a graduate, as a teaching assistant, as a scholar, as a house manager, etc. It has been an exciting and full few weeks for identity development.
I am also overwhelmed by the expectations for my research and time commitments, but only at times. For example, it seems fairly realistic to me at this moment in time that I would be able to produce a funding proposal by Dec. 1st, defend my thesis proposal by the end of April and pass ethics review and begin my thesis research by the end of next summer term. However, when I heard about these expectations two weeks ago I considered dropping out because they seemed impossible. It is all a matter of perspective. I also have a large research paper and a proposal due in December, and will be expected to grade 47 first year research essays around the same deadline. So December will be busy. But at the moment, I have completed all my readings for the remainder of the week (with detailed notes) and am working on reading two books that may apply to my research interest. And I attended a voluntary lecture with a proff from a different university today. So I feel fairly confident in my ability to manage the requirements.
What I don't feel equipped for is managing the interpersonal dynamics within my MA/PhD cohort. Apparently drinking is a big thing for grad students - or at least they portray it to be that way to each other. And I am not really interested. Sure I will drink a cider and a glass of Hannah's homemade strawberry wine on a Tuesday night with my roommates when I get home from an evening class - but I am not interested in going on a pub crawl or going out to the bar on a Thursday evening when there is class Friday morning (or going out to the bar at all really). I am not sure how well I will get along with my cohort - when they found out I had chickens at home it was extremely foreign concept, like baking my own bread or canning my own salsa (that is meant to be sarcasm). I'm worried that our common ground wont really be that common - but I'm not too worried because I have family here, and Matt and other avenues for friendships. It is just that getting along with my cohort would be helpful if I wanted to co-publish with some of them later on. So depressingly, it seems that my interpersonal fears are about strategically positioning myself within the field of research - not about making life long friends (as I already have some of those :))
It would be safe to say that I am happy here. I love my roommates (and our chickens). I love benefiting from the social capital my sister has already established in this community. I think that my courses and faculty interactions will be extremely beneficial, challenging, and inspiring. I have a burgeoning friendship and extra-curricular interests that I am planning to invest in. I have a supportive husband whom I love deeply. I am already confident that the identity of student is re-surfacing and will be able to adjust to the rigor of this academic level and institution.
IE: In this blog entry I will attempt to provide you with the basic understanding of the experience of one student as she adjusts to the expectations of graduate life at a large, research focused university. We will cover the following topics in some detail: receiving mixed messages in terms of productivity output vs. learning experience, academic integrity sermons that would make decent moralizing sermons for a southern baptist preacher with only slight modification, confusion over academic drinking culture, abstract and concrete integration of multiple new and previously held identities, developing the elevator speech research question in order to present oneself competitively, and the practices involved in homemaking.
As you can probably imagine, this template for communicating expectations has been the standard for every event I have attended, whether that be lecture, training, or the dreaded academic integrity and misconduct seminars. Even my readings are presented in this format. And to be honest, it is somewhat dry. Sure it does enable me (or you as a reader) to gather upfront what we should take away from a presentation, a class, or an article reading - but it is not engaging and does not invite interaction. And so I will not be writing this blog in clear, logical format that presents its objectives neatly at the beginning. I will revert to my previous style of adhoc, inspiration based writing that does at time mirror a stream of consciousness.
I admit, this is an attempt to nourish a different aspect of my identity as author, as thinker, as creator that is not bound by the structures of academic writing. And I am okay with that. If truth be told, I am immensely excited that I had the urge to write at all today - that my identity as writer wants to express itself and to integrate with all the other new and old identities I am exploring at the moment. In this environment, I have been so excited to be re-introduced to aspects of my identity that had laid dormant for a few years - and I look forward to developing them further. I am welcoming the researcher, the writer, the student, the engaged, the passionate, the radical within me that are beginning to re-awaken and stretch their muscles as I read and listen and discuss theory and methods with new people. I am also learning to see myself as a sister, as a wife, as a roommate, as a graduate, as a teaching assistant, as a scholar, as a house manager, etc. It has been an exciting and full few weeks for identity development.
I am also overwhelmed by the expectations for my research and time commitments, but only at times. For example, it seems fairly realistic to me at this moment in time that I would be able to produce a funding proposal by Dec. 1st, defend my thesis proposal by the end of April and pass ethics review and begin my thesis research by the end of next summer term. However, when I heard about these expectations two weeks ago I considered dropping out because they seemed impossible. It is all a matter of perspective. I also have a large research paper and a proposal due in December, and will be expected to grade 47 first year research essays around the same deadline. So December will be busy. But at the moment, I have completed all my readings for the remainder of the week (with detailed notes) and am working on reading two books that may apply to my research interest. And I attended a voluntary lecture with a proff from a different university today. So I feel fairly confident in my ability to manage the requirements.
What I don't feel equipped for is managing the interpersonal dynamics within my MA/PhD cohort. Apparently drinking is a big thing for grad students - or at least they portray it to be that way to each other. And I am not really interested. Sure I will drink a cider and a glass of Hannah's homemade strawberry wine on a Tuesday night with my roommates when I get home from an evening class - but I am not interested in going on a pub crawl or going out to the bar on a Thursday evening when there is class Friday morning (or going out to the bar at all really). I am not sure how well I will get along with my cohort - when they found out I had chickens at home it was extremely foreign concept, like baking my own bread or canning my own salsa (that is meant to be sarcasm). I'm worried that our common ground wont really be that common - but I'm not too worried because I have family here, and Matt and other avenues for friendships. It is just that getting along with my cohort would be helpful if I wanted to co-publish with some of them later on. So depressingly, it seems that my interpersonal fears are about strategically positioning myself within the field of research - not about making life long friends (as I already have some of those :))
It would be safe to say that I am happy here. I love my roommates (and our chickens). I love benefiting from the social capital my sister has already established in this community. I think that my courses and faculty interactions will be extremely beneficial, challenging, and inspiring. I have a burgeoning friendship and extra-curricular interests that I am planning to invest in. I have a supportive husband whom I love deeply. I am already confident that the identity of student is re-surfacing and will be able to adjust to the rigor of this academic level and institution.
I can totally relate to the initial "there's no way I can do that by that date!!" shifting to "well, actually...sure." You've got this! Keep being you. Your lifelong friends are here when you need to feel like you're normal for having chickens, canning salsa, etc. Also, I bet there are some fellow students out there who share more common ground...but it takes time to figure that out.
ReplyDeleteI love you! :) <3