A reflection on being.
I've just posted a blog I wrote back at the very beginning of February. That, in itself, says something about the state of Bekah the past few months. To think that this is the first moment I have been motivated (and free) to reflect and to write.
Typing out the closing of my handwritten February blog post, the lines "stolen my free time back" sit uncomfortably with me when I reflect on what has been my February and March. Perhaps it is true, and I had less work-related stress when I was not actually at work, but I clocked a lot of overtime work hours during the past few months. That and sick time. Out-of-work-with-fever sick twice in February, plus a few snow days, helped me to revert to winter habits from last year and excess Netflix consumption.
And then the start of spring and desire to be doing and planning and working and making things happen. Weekends full of work or full of scheduled exploration and play and social time. And the evenings I was home alone full of consuming more and more Star Trek (which, in moderation is delightful and meaningful and worthwhile don't get me wrong). Life has been filled with too much doing or consuming. A severe lack of being. And, as is obvious also to me, a lack of writing and reflecting.
Bringing us to April. To a forced acknowledgement that I have not been building my capacity to handle stress, simply escaping from the world with consumption during my downtime. An awakening to a desire for me-time, in which to create, to walk, to think, to be. A culmination of that desire in Sabbath yesterday - a spontaneous 6 mile walk in the beautiful 70s weather. A deep cleaning of my room and purging of items to be donated. An afternoon spent sitting in the sun, reading and thinking, and getting a little sun burnt, even a short yoga exercise in the evening. And today - a slow Sunday morning, driving a housemate to the airport, drinking iced coffee at my local coffee shop, reflecting on my desire to go to church (it was the plan, finally to go this weekend after having been sick or working all the church sundays in feb and march, but last minute i was called on to drive a housemate to the airport), researching plans for May camping trips, and finally, having the courage to sit and write.
Typing out the closing of my handwritten February blog post, the lines "stolen my free time back" sit uncomfortably with me when I reflect on what has been my February and March. Perhaps it is true, and I had less work-related stress when I was not actually at work, but I clocked a lot of overtime work hours during the past few months. That and sick time. Out-of-work-with-fever sick twice in February, plus a few snow days, helped me to revert to winter habits from last year and excess Netflix consumption.
And then the start of spring and desire to be doing and planning and working and making things happen. Weekends full of work or full of scheduled exploration and play and social time. And the evenings I was home alone full of consuming more and more Star Trek (which, in moderation is delightful and meaningful and worthwhile don't get me wrong). Life has been filled with too much doing or consuming. A severe lack of being. And, as is obvious also to me, a lack of writing and reflecting.
Bringing us to April. To a forced acknowledgement that I have not been building my capacity to handle stress, simply escaping from the world with consumption during my downtime. An awakening to a desire for me-time, in which to create, to walk, to think, to be. A culmination of that desire in Sabbath yesterday - a spontaneous 6 mile walk in the beautiful 70s weather. A deep cleaning of my room and purging of items to be donated. An afternoon spent sitting in the sun, reading and thinking, and getting a little sun burnt, even a short yoga exercise in the evening. And today - a slow Sunday morning, driving a housemate to the airport, drinking iced coffee at my local coffee shop, reflecting on my desire to go to church (it was the plan, finally to go this weekend after having been sick or working all the church sundays in feb and march, but last minute i was called on to drive a housemate to the airport), researching plans for May camping trips, and finally, having the courage to sit and write.
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